A month ago I anounced that I'm taking a break due to all the ghosts in my head and things that was going badly in my personal life. And I'm writing this today, not to say that I'm back, But mostly to update you, since there's still some people who are visitng my blog.
So, have this month off helped me to get things sorted out?
Yes and No.
My brain ghosts will always be there, but now I have more understanding to where it all comes from.
I'm still depressed, and I still have a really hard time getting out of my appartment by my self.
But I've found a few things that have helped me when anxiety hits.
And I've learned that some people aren't worth wasting your time on, Even if you thought they were your best friend, and they ask to be alone for a bit so they can recover their shit, and you do so.
Untill you see picture after picture of the person popping up on facebook where it does things with other people without even asking you if you want to come.
And they're specially not worth wasting more time on when they can't even spare you 5 seconds to answer a "hey! how are you?"
So yeah, Not worth it.
And that's the thing that have hit me tha hardest.
People I've taken my time with, Helped as good as I can, And all I get back is crap. and being ignored.
I've also removed some toxic people out of my life.
People who have done nothing than to push me further down in the dirt.
And I've been battling this decision for years because of the title of the person.
But now I've finally made that decision. and it feels good.
I've dedicated almost all my life to make her proud, and she pushes my face down in the dirt.
I've also removed another person I thought meant alot to me after he humiliated me infront of a whole bar when I simply answered one of HIS own questions. And after that I realised I actually don't need him that much anymore, so he can go.
I've still documented some of the makeup I've been wearing, and some other posts so they will go up once I'm ready.
I've been growing various herbs in my window and I'm looking forward to use them in cooking.
I've also started to eat much healthier (or atleast trying to).
I'm still taking a day at the time and are trying to get through that instead of planning ahead and stressing myself out and I think I'm doing a bit of a progress.
I'v'e been picking up my camera more and actually played around with it.
And I got Adobe premiere pro 2.0 and are planning on doing more videos.
I still don't smoke unless we're on a party. And I actually do feel alot better because of this.
I've been hanging out with other people more, and it have made me ha bit better.
I've problably done loads of other things but I can't remember them right now.
But even though I seem to be in a better place now than I was a month ago I still feel like I need some more time. And hopefully you'll understand that.
I do however update my instagram from time to time, and I even got two now,´, One private and one for makeup. So go and follow those if you want.
Take care now and hopefully I'll be back soon :)